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I Don't really get these things, i have never really done it before. but i guess its just different from writing in a notebook..

I'm just sitting here on the floor, supposed to be typing a paper for my video production class.. idk i guess i'm in a meh mood. every time i take a bite of the skittles my jaw cracks.. i think i should go to the doctor's for my jaw, but i really don't wanna go haha..

So i'm just sitting here... listening to "Hurt - Johnny Cash" and i've been in a weird mood lately. i just feel "hurt" but i don't wanna really say on here what happened.. but like the song. if i could start again, a million miles away, i would.. i can't even really find myself to smile. i've just been so hurt and i feel bad cause its partly my fault.

As my legs are falling asleep... and because of my mood.. just when i drive its either the speed limit. or if i jump on the highway i'll just gun it.. and when my friend/girl asks why i do it. all i say is that i wanna see what the camaro has.. but i know.. idk what the hell is wrong with me. im just like weird i guess haha.

Today. i went to walmart with 2 of my friends. one of them i like, the other i don't. i was so bored in there.. i like being there with her. just not with the other haha.
school and everything just sucks right now. god dam i hate this shit.

I haven't even ran my 2 miles in a long ass time cause i've just been so mad.. and that usually makes me run farther..
I have just been skateboarding a lot. bombing the hills.. and idk if this is normal, but im like wicked mad at myself. and every time i go down a hill. i have this thought that i should just jump off and roll, and see what happens cause (i don't feel pain like at all - unless its bad) so thats what i think. and i know hurting myself never did anything for anyone.. but i still think about it. i don't wanna break my ankle again. but i mean getting a gash on my arm or leg would be alright. i don't get turned on by this stuff or anything. its just i need to feel some real pain for once. some pain that isn't in my head because of something i witnessed, or felt. i want to feel actual pain that will hurt me to get my mind off all of the stupid ass shit thats happening.
And there is no way in hell am i putting a knife up to my wrist. im not emo. idk. you make your choice. its just bullshit. i can't put up with the mind games anymore. or the fucking head aches. just like a huge ass gash in my arm would be perfect cause then i can just concentrate all my other pain onto something else. then maybe i can forget about it easier!!
Fuck My LIFE! Fuck School - Fuck Women (ok ;D haha) *you know what i mean, mind games and shit.*
i just want a normal life.


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